Saturday, May 8, 2010

Daisy's Diet Thoughts

Hi to all you friends of my Grandma Lena,

Daisy here. I'm taking over this blog today because I just want to blow off a little steam and let all of you to know what I think of this dumb diet stuff. After my visit with Dr. Green yesterday, stepping on the scale and weighing in at 97.8 lbs., and having to listen to Dr. Green tell me that I have to cut back because I'm not the svelte little gal I used to be - well, I found that rather insulting.

And then to come home and have Grandma tell Grandpa that he can't give me anymore treats - well, how disgusting. What am I supposed to live on anyway.

So last night when Grandma fed me - she thinks she's in control now because Grandpa is on crutches so she has to feed me - she had the audacity to put only plain dry dog food in my bowl. No gravy, no meat tidbits, nothing good - just that plain old dry Iams dog food. I showed her - I turned up my nose and walked away, went to the corner where I sleep and put a very pouty look on my face. I'll show her, I thought, I just won't eat my supper.

So later on in the night I truly did get hungry and decided I needed to sneak out to the kitchen and do a bit of foraging. Ah ha!! Grandma forgot to put the trash can in the closet where she normally keeps it and there just happened to be the wrapper from a package of hamburger in there. Now I normally wouldn't stoop to getting into the trash. That's just beneath a dog of my quality. But I must admit that hamburger wrapper tasted pretty darn good when I licked the last molecule from the Styrofoam tray. Then I placed it in the middle of the floor so I was sure that she'd see it in the morning when she got up to make coffee.

Well, that sufficed for a bit, but it still didn't fill the hollow spot. And I'll be darned if I'm going to stoop to eating that dry dog food that was still in my bowl. As I walked through the kitchen I just happened to walk by the cat food bowls. Senior Citizen Simon only eats canned cat food because he doesn't have any teeth anymore and needs something soft to eat. What a find!! Cat food pate' - delicious. There wasn't much in there, but I licked the bowl so clean it doesn't even need to go in the dishwasher. Then I carried the dish to the corner of the dining room and carefully placed it beside the china hutch where I thought she wouldn't find it.

Still hungry - more foraging - and another good find. As I said before, dry food without any goodies on it just isn't my forte', but dry cat food goes down very well. Grandma uses a self-feeder for Lucy so there stood a feeder that was half full of delicious cat food which I've been told is a very big no-no for dogs. (Too fattening they say.) Well, here's too ya', Lucy - to bad you'll have to starve for the remainder of the night. Man, was that good. Now I could go back to the bedroom and fall asleep because I knew I had used up all sources of nourishment with the exception of that darn dry dog food in my bowl. Ick!!

I fixed Grandma really good, last night. I went back to the bedroom, fell asleep on the floor on her side of the bed and proceeded to let the cat food work. Somewhere along about 3 or 4 o'clock the methane gas exploded and my tummy felt better - not so bloated. I lucked out - Grandma blamed it all on Grandpa - the methane explosion that is - and I just opened one eye and looked at her in pure innocence.

It wasn't until she got up to make coffee this morning and discovered the empty cat food dishes that I got a lecture. But that's okay - it was worth it. Cat food is the very best.

Wonder how she plans to get around THIS one!!

Love to you all from Daisy


Marge said...

I'm sure glad you found some food, Daisy! I think you can charge grandma with abuse for trying to make you eat dry dog food. Imagine! I sure hope you'll be given something better tonight for dinner. Let me know, because I'm heading for a Sons Of Norway Syttende Mai Banquet, so if you need something Norwegian, just let me know!

Dry dog food. I just can't believe it!

Carolyn said...

Poor Daisy! Tell your mom to buy you some canned green beans. When my 12 year old Pepper gets too heavy for the vet's happiness, we give him canned green beans for a treat. He's happy's a treat. The vet is happy because they are very low in calories. {{Huge Doggie Hug}}

Anonymous said...

Clever Daisy!
~ Yvonne